What I Did on My Summer Vacation

Well once again it seems living got in the way of blogging. I think I can speak on behalf of the others and say, it’s been a busy summer! I’m sure when they get the chance, they’ll give updates of their own. But here’s what’s up Chez M2BB.

Remember the big changes I mentioned a few months back? Well this week isn’t just back-to-school for Boy #1—mommy is also going to be hitting the books this fall. I still can’t quite believe I actually left my career in publishing after 10 years to pursue a Bachelor of Education degree in the hopes of becoming a teacher. Though I’m excited about the future, there is a part of me that worries I’ve made a huge mistake…

But more about that later. Let's talk summer while it's still here. This summer I took a month off to spend some time with my boys (all three of them!) before the craziness starts. We've had a lot of fun (and some challenging moments too.) Boy #1 just turned 6, is reading, riding a two-wheeler, and asking questions non-stop. For real. Boy #2 is approaching 3, has graduated to big boy undies, and wants to do everything his big brother does. Sometimes at the same time (they have literally fought over a wood chip). They drive each other crazy, yet they hate being apart. They both have an extremely high need for attention, which can be very draining. But they are also bright, social, affectionate and sweet, which makes up for a lot!

Some other cool things have happened this summer, including meet-ups between more of us In Real Lifers. Though we’ve been corresponding online in various ways for some time, and already think of ourselves as friends, I hadn’t actually met any of my fellow bloggers until recently! The most amazing part is, when I did finally see and talk to these ladies in person, it was like we’d known each other for years. Because we have. Even Mr. M2BB, who doesn’t “get” the whole social media/discussion forum/online friendship thing, had to admit I’d cultivated relationships with some really lovely, down-to-earth, intelligent, like-minded women that he’s just as pleased to have met IRL.

Sure, I could have been chatting with kangaroos with an Internet hook-up, but the flipside of the ability to be completely dishonest online is the ability to be completely honest. When we initially found each other via a parenting site, our honesty about a variety of topics was what drew us to one another. It was nice to know there were other moms out there that had similar views about children and motherhood and family. Personally, I learned a lot about birth and parenting from these ladies--in some cases, they helped change the way I think about certain related issues.

Now that we’ve gotten to know each other beyond that forum, we have realized we are very different in a lot of ways too (including how we parent, though I’d venture to say at the core, our love and respect for children as people is the same). But we still like each other, learn from each other and value each others' opinions. Even when we argue—I mean, debate!

Hopefully, there will be more in-person meetings, despite the fact there is a long drive (or flight!) separating many of us. In the meantime, we’ll continue to use email, social media and discussion boards to share ideas and ask each other for advice and support. And hopefully, we'll get this blog up and running for real!

My Million-Dollar Family

“Will you be trying for a girl next?”

The first person to ask me this was an L&D nurse, mere hours after my second son was born. Considering my baby was at that moment on oxygen in the special care nursery, having another child of either sex was the last thing on my mind. But circumstances aside, I resented the implication that having another boy must be a disappointment to me.

Family members, friends, co-workers and even strangers seem to have a vested interest in the sex of our children. It all started when my husband and I announced our first pregnancy. We were immediately told by certain people who shall remain nameless, “It better be a girl!” An off-hand remark, to be sure, but we knew we were having a boy. Well, we didn’t “know”, because we’d chosen not to find out the sex prior to the birth, but we had a strong feeling. And we were right: Boy #1 was born in 2004. If anyone was disappointed, they hid it well, and I am convinced he could not be more loved.

However, when we announced we were having another child, what did the same people say? You guessed it: “It had better be a sister for Boy #1!” After all, one boy + one girl = the Million Dollar family! Right?

This time we decided to find out the sex of the baby – in part so we could talk to our first born about his new brother- or sister-to-be. But we had another reason for finding out: we didn’t want to spend the rest of the pregnancy hearing that those around us were wishing for something – someone -- they might not get.

I cried when I heard that I was carrying a boy. The ultrasound technician asked if this was a good thing or a bad thing. I assured her, mine were tears of joy. I had always had a feeling that I would have two sons. A psychic even told me I would (so she was wrong about the twins thing…) Boy #2 was born in 2007.

Don’t get me wrong. I would have loved a little girl. Or two. Just as much. And trust me, I know this sort of thing goes both ways: I’m the third of three daughters, so my parents got their fair share of rude comments! But I have sons. Two amazing, adorable, loveable, wonderful boys, and I would not change a thing. Nor do I feel my life is lacking because of the dearth of pink in our house. So why does it seem like others feel sorry for me because I don’t have, and probably never will have, a daughter? I for one don’t look at families with “only” sons or “only” daughters (or “only” one child) and think, “how sad!” But apparently some people do. Otherwise, how to explain these assumptions and questions?

Now our family is complete, but the comments continue: “Sons are great, but…”; “This family needs girls, girls, girls!”; and of course the ubiquitous, “Will you be trying for a girl next?” Worst of all, these things are said in the presence of my boys. I am worried my sons will grow up thinking they’d be loved more, if only people could buy them pretty pink dresses. That my husband and I are the ones wishing one of them had been a girl. That there is something wrong with being a boy.

I won’t be having more babies, but please, don’t pity me because I haven’t got one of each. I am beyond thrilled with my two happy, healthy boys. In the words of my father, who was often asked how he ended up with three daughters: “I’m just lucky I guess.”