Judge not...

Yesterday I stumbled upon a “photo essay” on MSN entitled “Top things parents get judged for”. I clicked on it thinking it might be a funny little fluff piece commiserating with parents about how everyone always seems to know what we should be doing with our children better than we know ourselves. The title was inaccurate. It should have been “Top things we at MSN judge parents for”.

The byline was “MSN Staff”. I can only assume (and hope) that these very brave, anonymous writers have no children. In fact I suspect they are that stage of life where all their friends are having babies, and now have other priorities. And so the writers, feeling left out, decided to get even by coming up with this offensive, anti-child, anti-parent list. Note, I refuse to link to it directly and give MSN any traffic.

According to this feature, children are not welcome in restaurants, on planes, or even on sidewalks. Especially when they have runny noses. And definitely not late at night. If you must bring your children out in public, you are to leave things like soothers and security blankets at home “in the crib where they belong” (because we all know all children sleep in cribs!) The writers’ social lives have clearly suffered since their friends started having families, because despite judging parents when children are out after dark, they are also annoyed by parents who schedule life around their children’s needs for food and rest (“Does it really matter if the kid goes to bed 30 minutes late every once in a blue moon?” Actually, yes it can!)

On top of all this -- being denied security items, being denied routine, being denied opportunities to learn proper public behavior -- kids are then not allowed to have tantrums! Wait, it gets better: parents whose children do meltdown will be judged for doing nothing, as well as for disciplining them! OK, so I agree on one point: I don’t want to see anyone smacking their kids either, ever (yeah, I judge too). But it’s so nice to know that in the eyes of people like the good folks at MSN, parents are judged if they do, and judged if they don’t.

Of course, I fully expected to find some sort of commentary on breastfeeding, and I was not disappointed. MSN saved the best for last. Apparently, breastfeeding too long is wrong. Their guideline for “too long”? When the child can ask for a snack. Because, of course, babies don’t ask for food from birth. And breastfeeding is only about food. (You can’t see it, but my eyes are rolling.) I guess it’s just when they can use words that it’s no longer OK to nurse them? So, what does that mean for infants that speak, and toddlers that don’t?

It’s certainly not the first time I’ve heard this little gem about how to know when it’s time to wean. In fact, I may have uttered it myself – long before I had children of my own. Now, I fail to see how the duration of breastfeeding affects anyone other than the mother and the child (well, aside from the public health benefits of extended nursing). And apparently I fail to see the humor in parents and children being put down and marginalized the way they so often are in popular media.

I’m all for people staying childless by choice, I just don’t think those people should then turn around and write about parenting.

How to savour the moments...

In two days, my baby son will turn 3 months, and no longer be a "newborn". I've tried so hard to savour every moment, because this is our second and last child. I've tried to remember everything and record every experience. When my daughter was born I was so excited about her changing and developing, I didn't pay attention to the stage she was AT. I told myself that wouldn't happen this time.

But it didn't work. I can hardly remember him as a neonate already. I'm not sure how he got so big. He's smiling and cooing and responding and grabbing and some people start their babies on solids a month from now! I want him to stay little. But he refuses. And I can't remember what he was like. How do we stop time?

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans...

A funny thing happened on the way to launching a blog called In Real Life. "Real life" got in the way. Since the last post, virtual eons ago, babies have been born, babies have been sick, some of us have been house-hunting, some of us have been job-hunting. Some of us have been planning or making major life changes, like further education or the decision to have one parent stay home (or one go back to work). Some of these things are still on the hush-hush (hence the lack of blog posts on these topics for the time being, but stay tuned!) And this is on top of our day-to-day lives, which were already pretty full to begin with.

So, we’ve been a lot quieter than anticipated, for a group of women with rather strong opinions and a knack for expressing them in writing! I’d like to say when things calm down, we’ll start posting with some frequency. But when does life ever calm down, really? And if it did, what would we write about?

So bear with us, we’re just getting started!